The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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