take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
