so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
