So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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