$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
