i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
