New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
