Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
