That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize