you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize