She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
