So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
