A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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