Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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