that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
