Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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