How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
