Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
