your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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