Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
