Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
