Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
