Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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