I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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