sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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