i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
