Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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