we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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