How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
