I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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