Girls should come with a carfax report
worst night to have a conscience
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
