question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
