I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
