I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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