I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
