Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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