there's paper in my vomit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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