I'm really into asian looking animals
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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