And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
