You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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