I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We need a shit load of segways right now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
