My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
