he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
