if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
