there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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