Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
