Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We are two peas in an std pod
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
