dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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