Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
