we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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