We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
