i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
