90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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