wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
