he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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