In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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