All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
