Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
