"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
