So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Edward fifth and chaser hands
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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