You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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