You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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