dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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