This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
