Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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