She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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