She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
