She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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