Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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