Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
