So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
