your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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